1 00:01:58,866 --> 00:02:02,866 www.titlovi.com 2 00:02:05,866 --> 00:02:07,900 Come on, Spike, wake up, we're here. 3 00:02:14,115 --> 00:02:15,950 - Spike, Spike. 4 00:02:15,951 --> 00:02:17,493 Are you in? 5 00:02:17,494 --> 00:02:20,413 Oh dear, I'll get you out in a minute Spike, don't worry. 6 00:02:20,414 --> 00:02:22,206 Read the paper, look, I got something to read. 7 00:02:22,207 --> 00:02:23,291 I'll check for keys. 8 00:02:26,253 --> 00:02:27,921 I can't find my keys, Spike. 9 00:02:32,468 --> 00:02:35,596 I'll have you out in a moment of time. 10 00:02:37,306 --> 00:02:38,306 Get you out of here in a minute Spike, 11 00:02:38,307 --> 00:02:39,307 don't you worry about that. 12 00:02:39,308 --> 00:02:41,142 I'm fixing you... 13 00:02:41,143 --> 00:02:43,269 Ah, have anything to declare? 14 00:02:43,270 --> 00:02:45,396 Trying to smuggle heads into Brighton, eh? 15 00:02:45,397 --> 00:02:48,149 You know heads aren't allowed in Brighton. 16 00:02:48,150 --> 00:02:50,610 - Do you mind unpacking me now, Harry? 17 00:02:50,611 --> 00:02:52,862 Yes, Spike. 18 00:04:18,031 --> 00:04:20,867 - Look, here's a man who's won L100,000. 19 00:04:20,868 --> 00:04:22,910 He's coming here, to this boarding house, 20 00:04:22,911 --> 00:04:25,621 where we are the only two females. 21 00:04:25,622 --> 00:04:27,206 Oh, besides Mrs Brown, of course. 22 00:04:27,207 --> 00:04:29,375 - Yes, and you can always poison her. 23 00:04:29,376 --> 00:04:31,919 I don't think you're taking me seriously. 24 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,212 - You're so right, Christine. 25 00:04:33,213 --> 00:04:35,506 Here you are, all set to chase a man for his money 26 00:04:35,507 --> 00:04:37,550 and you don't even know what he looks like. 27 00:04:37,551 --> 00:04:38,718 - But I do. 28 00:04:38,719 --> 00:04:40,887 Look, here's a picture of him on the front page. 29 00:04:40,888 --> 00:04:43,347 - What is it, the Exchange and Mart? 30 00:04:43,348 --> 00:04:46,350 What's he advertising, weed killer? 31 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:48,913 Ah, there you are, Mr Flakers. 32 00:05:48,914 --> 00:05:49,748 How are you? 33 00:05:49,749 --> 00:05:50,749 - Oh hello, Mrs Brown. 34 00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:52,458 You must be Mr Donnelly. 35 00:05:52,459 --> 00:05:53,501 - Yes. - How do you do? 36 00:05:53,502 --> 00:05:54,136 How do you do? 37 00:05:54,336 --> 00:05:55,170 - How nice to have you with us again. 38 00:05:55,171 --> 00:05:57,171 And I'm glad to see you're not too grand to stay here 39 00:05:57,172 --> 00:05:58,548 after winning all that money. 40 00:05:58,549 --> 00:06:00,633 But as I said to myself when I saw it in the papers, 41 00:06:00,634 --> 00:06:02,635 I said, "I wonder if we should see Mr Flakers," 42 00:06:02,636 --> 00:06:04,303 or whether everything was majestic this time. 43 00:06:04,304 --> 00:06:06,681 But you're not one to be spoiled by a bit of luck, are you? 44 00:06:06,682 --> 00:06:07,849 No, of course not. 45 00:06:07,850 --> 00:06:08,850 Well, would you like to see your rooms? 46 00:06:08,851 --> 00:06:10,351 I expect you guys to change before lunch. 47 00:06:10,352 --> 00:06:12,229 I'll show you out myself, come along. 48 00:06:15,399 --> 00:06:17,275 Here we are, best room in the house. 49 00:06:17,276 --> 00:06:18,943 Nothing's too good for you. 50 00:06:18,944 --> 00:06:20,027 - That's what we've always had. 51 00:06:20,028 --> 00:06:21,487 - What? - Nothing. 52 00:06:21,488 --> 00:06:22,655 Silly boy. 53 00:06:22,656 --> 00:06:25,157 Well, I expect you'd like to unpack and get settled in. 54 00:06:25,158 --> 00:06:26,784 I hope you'll be comfortable. 55 00:06:26,785 --> 00:06:28,327 I must fly, all my other guests, 56 00:06:28,328 --> 00:06:29,246 you know I like to keep them happy, 57 00:06:29,247 --> 00:06:30,454 and the services you get nowadays 58 00:06:30,455 --> 00:06:31,789 aren't what they used to be, are they? 59 00:06:31,790 --> 00:06:33,749 Pictures of boyfriends, all they think about. 60 00:06:33,750 --> 00:06:35,585 Oh well, nice getting all your news. 61 00:06:35,586 --> 00:06:36,670 See you at lunch. 62 00:06:38,005 --> 00:06:39,088 - Certainly glad she's... 63 00:06:39,089 --> 00:06:40,673 Just let me know if there's anything you want 64 00:06:40,674 --> 00:06:42,216 and I can make my little place a home from home. 65 00:06:45,345 --> 00:06:47,179 I bet she was vaccinated with a grammaphone needle. 66 00:06:47,180 --> 00:06:48,140 - The blunt end? 67 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,516 - No, probably the arm. 68 00:06:52,185 --> 00:06:54,020 - Well, here we are at last, Harry. 69 00:06:54,021 --> 00:06:56,314 I think I'll take this bed. 70 00:06:56,315 --> 00:06:58,107 It appears to have heather linen. 71 00:06:59,526 --> 00:07:01,445 Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. 72 00:07:03,363 --> 00:07:04,197 - Lovely money, make the bets, 73 00:07:04,198 --> 00:07:07,283 hey pick a card, Spike, pick a card, huh? 74 00:07:07,284 --> 00:07:08,118 Pick a card. 75 00:07:08,119 --> 00:07:09,119 - Look, I wish you wouldn't carry 76 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:12,079 your winnings around with you, it's not safe. 77 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:12,715 - Not safe, why? 78 00:07:12,915 --> 00:07:13,790 You think I'm gonna rob myself? 79 00:07:13,791 --> 00:07:15,041 - No, no, no. 80 00:07:15,042 --> 00:07:16,584 What I mean is you should put all this in a bank. 81 00:07:16,585 --> 00:07:17,919 - A bank? - Yes! 82 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:19,795 That's the last place to put it, in a safe. 83 00:07:19,796 --> 00:07:21,839 Do you realize how many banks are going broke lately? 84 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:22,474 - No. 85 00:07:22,674 --> 00:07:23,508 - Yeah, there's hundreds of them. 86 00:07:23,708 --> 00:07:24,343 There's the... 87 00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:25,635 - Well? 88 00:07:25,636 --> 00:07:27,261 - The Clydebank, the Dogger Bank, 89 00:07:27,262 --> 00:07:29,055 and the banks of Loch Lomond 90 00:07:29,056 --> 00:07:30,806 can hardly keep their heads above water. 91 00:07:30,807 --> 00:07:33,017 Even the blood bank is asking for donations. 92 00:07:33,018 --> 00:07:33,852 - Yes, but Harry... 93 00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:35,227 - But don't try and influence me. 94 00:07:35,228 --> 00:07:36,354 You've heard of inflation? 95 00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:37,396 - Of what? 96 00:07:37,397 --> 00:07:41,442 Bicycle tires, observation balloons, whoopee cushions. 97 00:07:41,443 --> 00:07:43,277 Suppose I put the money in a bank, 98 00:07:43,278 --> 00:07:44,278 then what happens? 99 00:07:44,279 --> 00:07:45,238 - Well... 100 00:07:45,239 --> 00:07:46,739 - No, don't interrupt! 101 00:07:46,740 --> 00:07:47,616 Before I know it, 102 00:07:47,617 --> 00:07:50,117 the bank manager's persuading me to buy shares. 103 00:07:50,118 --> 00:07:53,120 That's a terrible idea, I spend half my money on shares. 104 00:07:53,121 --> 00:07:54,789 Then what happens? 105 00:07:54,790 --> 00:07:56,374 - What? 106 00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:58,751 If the bottom starts falling out of the market. 107 00:07:58,752 --> 00:08:00,336 Every day prices are lowered. 108 00:08:00,337 --> 00:08:01,420 Oh my, this is awful! 109 00:08:01,421 --> 00:08:03,214 I've lost half my budget! 110 00:08:03,215 --> 00:08:04,674 - Not that, Harry, no! 111 00:08:04,675 --> 00:08:06,717 - Worse, the markets are crashing. 112 00:08:06,718 --> 00:08:10,846 Wall Street, Threadneedle Street, The Boss, we're finished! 113 00:08:10,847 --> 00:08:11,723 - We gotta do something. 114 00:08:11,724 --> 00:08:12,974 - Ruin is staring us in the face! 115 00:08:12,975 --> 00:08:13,809 - Yes, I know. 116 00:08:14,009 --> 00:08:14,809 - Spike! 117 00:08:16,687 --> 00:08:17,895 I'll call my broker to attempt a sellout 118 00:08:17,896 --> 00:08:19,439 and save some from the crash. 119 00:08:22,442 --> 00:08:24,568 Harry, wait a minute, you haven't even got a broker! 120 00:08:24,569 --> 00:08:26,445 I know, that makes it even worse. 121 00:08:26,446 --> 00:08:28,322 - Wait a minute Spike, I've got an idea. 122 00:08:28,323 --> 00:08:29,699 - Quickly, there's not much time, tell me. 123 00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:30,700 - Let's hide it somewhere in the room. 124 00:08:30,701 --> 00:08:31,701 - Are you mad? 125 00:08:31,702 --> 00:08:33,536 - No, no, there must be somewhere, Harry. 126 00:08:33,537 --> 00:08:34,171 - Where? 127 00:08:34,371 --> 00:08:35,205 - Over there. - Okay. 128 00:08:35,206 --> 00:08:36,998 Under the bed. 129 00:08:36,999 --> 00:08:39,751 - Right, good luck. 130 00:08:40,711 --> 00:08:43,255 - Hey, Harry, come out of there. 131 00:08:45,465 --> 00:08:46,465 - Spike? 132 00:08:47,718 --> 00:08:49,720 - The fireplace! - Yeah! 133 00:08:55,434 --> 00:08:57,476 - That was a close shave. 134 00:08:58,520 --> 00:08:59,979 Come in! 135 00:08:59,980 --> 00:09:02,857 Mrs Brown says if the gas can don't blow up, 136 00:09:02,858 --> 00:09:05,861 lunch will be ready at one. 137 00:09:17,372 --> 00:09:19,041 Lunch will be ready at two. 138 00:09:23,754 --> 00:09:28,466 - Here they are, now. 139 00:09:32,888 --> 00:09:33,888 - Ah. 140 00:09:37,059 --> 00:09:38,059 Hello. 141 00:09:39,311 --> 00:09:41,812 This is Miss Sheila Gilroy, Miss Christine Russell, 142 00:09:41,813 --> 00:09:42,647 will you sit there? 143 00:09:42,847 --> 00:09:43,482 - Hello. 144 00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:45,274 Miss Sheila Gilroy, Miss Christine Russell, 145 00:09:45,275 --> 00:09:46,692 Mr Harry Flakers. 146 00:09:46,693 --> 00:09:49,071 - I'm very happy to know you. 147 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:52,573 And last but not least, this is the Major. 148 00:09:52,574 --> 00:09:55,367 - I'm very pleased to meet you, my boy, 149 00:09:55,368 --> 00:09:57,536 and welcome you into our happy little circle. 150 00:09:57,537 --> 00:09:59,164 - Thank you, thank you very much. 151 00:10:00,540 --> 00:10:02,166 - Sheila... 152 00:10:06,546 --> 00:10:08,214 - One doesn't have the pleasure of meeting 153 00:10:08,215 --> 00:10:11,217 a football pool winner every day of the week, you know? 154 00:10:11,218 --> 00:10:12,218 - No, but you have it wrong. 155 00:10:12,219 --> 00:10:13,969 It's my friend Harry, my name's Spike. 156 00:10:13,970 --> 00:10:14,805 - Is it? 157 00:10:14,806 --> 00:10:16,055 Well, Harry, you must be very careful 158 00:10:16,056 --> 00:10:17,515 with all that money of yours. 159 00:10:17,516 --> 00:10:18,891 Invest it wisely. 160 00:10:18,892 --> 00:10:20,768 We must get together and have a little chat 161 00:10:20,769 --> 00:10:23,229 over one or two business matters. 162 00:10:23,230 --> 00:10:25,606 Take the Suez Canal Company, for instance. 163 00:10:25,607 --> 00:10:27,316 Now, as Gladstone said in 1884... 164 00:10:27,317 --> 00:10:28,400 - Pea soup? 165 00:10:28,401 --> 00:10:30,111 - He said nothing of the kind. 166 00:10:30,112 --> 00:10:32,738 He said, "Money should be invested wisely and surely 167 00:10:32,739 --> 00:10:34,157 "in built-in securities." 168 00:10:36,576 --> 00:10:39,745 Will you be staying here very long, Mr Flakers? 169 00:10:39,746 --> 00:10:42,748 Or may I call you Harry? 170 00:10:42,749 --> 00:10:44,708 Please don't, Miss Russell. 171 00:10:44,709 --> 00:10:45,544 - Just Russell? 172 00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:48,420 Oh, but that's not at all friendly. 173 00:10:48,421 --> 00:10:50,589 I want you to call me Christine. 174 00:10:50,590 --> 00:10:52,592 - Okay, Christine. 175 00:10:54,261 --> 00:10:55,302 - Do you find many people 176 00:10:55,303 --> 00:10:57,389 chasing you for your money, Mr Flakers? 177 00:10:59,641 --> 00:11:02,602 Oh no, who'd chase after me for my money? 178 00:11:11,444 --> 00:11:14,614 - Hmm, British Consul's lost half a point. 179 00:11:15,949 --> 00:11:17,868 Burmese Railway seemed rather unsteady. 180 00:11:19,161 --> 00:11:21,621 Mexican Peso's down four points. 181 00:11:22,747 --> 00:11:24,958 Ah, here's an interesting guide to the news. 182 00:11:25,917 --> 00:11:28,669 The popular press informs us, I quote: 183 00:11:28,670 --> 00:11:30,337 "Mr Harry Flakers, the recent winner 184 00:11:30,338 --> 00:11:32,965 "of the record football dividend is content, 185 00:11:32,966 --> 00:11:34,550 "he tells our representative, 186 00:11:34,551 --> 00:11:37,136 "to spend his holiday as he's always done in the past, 187 00:11:37,137 --> 00:11:40,139 "in the same modest little guest house in Brighton. 188 00:11:40,140 --> 00:11:43,143 "He is et cetera, et cetera, et cetera," I unquote. 189 00:11:43,977 --> 00:11:48,815 What a fortunate fellow, this Mr Harry Flakers is. 190 00:11:49,774 --> 00:11:53,235 He should always remember something that was told to me, 191 00:11:53,236 --> 00:11:56,071 oh some time ago, by a roommate of mine. 192 00:11:56,072 --> 00:11:58,490 Yeah, at Wormwood Scrubs? 193 00:11:58,491 --> 00:12:02,077 Wormwood, no no, I think it was Strangeways actually. 194 00:12:03,330 --> 00:12:06,833 Yes, he said to me, "Edward, my son, my old man of course. 195 00:12:08,293 --> 00:12:10,712 "Edward my son," and here I quote. 196 00:12:12,297 --> 00:12:17,092 "Boy, if ever want to go for a laugh without trouble, 197 00:12:17,093 --> 00:12:19,887 "you've got to put your nose to the wheel, 198 00:12:19,888 --> 00:12:22,306 "your shoulder to the grindstone, 199 00:12:22,307 --> 00:12:23,850 "your back to the wall." 200 00:12:25,227 --> 00:12:28,020 Rather peculiar shape, the old man of course. 201 00:12:28,021 --> 00:12:30,481 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 202 00:12:30,482 --> 00:12:32,108 With regards to Mr Harry Flakers, 203 00:12:33,193 --> 00:12:37,196 I rather feel that our need is greater than his, eh? 204 00:12:39,616 --> 00:12:42,785 Yes, I think a trip to bracing Brighton 205 00:12:42,786 --> 00:12:44,703 would prove most beneficial. 206 00:12:44,704 --> 00:12:49,709 Physically, morally, and possibly financially. 207 00:12:50,627 --> 00:12:52,878 What do you say, my learned moron, hmm? 208 00:12:52,879 --> 00:12:53,879 - Hey, big in. 209 00:12:55,632 --> 00:12:56,925 What do you think of this? 210 00:12:58,718 --> 00:13:01,053 What seems to be prating of the smooth surface 211 00:13:01,054 --> 00:13:04,139 of your delinquent equilibrium, hmm? 212 00:13:04,140 --> 00:13:05,308 - Look, can that stuff. 213 00:13:07,227 --> 00:13:09,728 How do you think these fivers are coming? 214 00:13:09,729 --> 00:13:12,189 - Fast and spurious, I hope. 215 00:13:14,609 --> 00:13:16,193 Pity they're all the same number. 216 00:13:16,194 --> 00:13:19,738 Still, we must not be too critical, eh? 217 00:13:19,739 --> 00:13:22,074 I'm quite confident the peasantry 218 00:13:22,075 --> 00:13:25,703 will provide the usual in discriminating victims? 219 00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:26,912 - Blimey, I hope so. 220 00:13:26,913 --> 00:13:28,872 That's the only sort of money we've got. 221 00:13:28,873 --> 00:13:30,249 - Yes, you've said. 222 00:13:30,250 --> 00:13:34,169 And now my friend, we must budget our Brighton enterprise. 223 00:13:34,170 --> 00:13:35,171 - Enterprise? 224 00:13:36,089 --> 00:13:37,923 What's the caper this time, sport? 225 00:13:37,924 --> 00:13:39,883 The caper, my friend. 226 00:13:39,884 --> 00:13:42,761 As I discussed before, Operation Flakers. 227 00:13:42,762 --> 00:13:44,431 Now, we shall require 228 00:13:45,598 --> 00:13:48,600 two return tickets to Brighton, first class. 229 00:13:48,601 --> 00:13:50,270 Shall we say, L5 eh? 230 00:13:55,859 --> 00:13:58,695 Accommodation at the modest little guest house. 231 00:14:02,615 --> 00:14:03,950 With full board. 232 00:14:06,911 --> 00:14:09,204 Yes, yes, yes. 233 00:14:09,205 --> 00:14:12,751 Liquid refreshments. 234 00:14:24,054 --> 00:14:25,680 Bully for you, laddy. 235 00:14:26,598 --> 00:14:29,308 And now, the little incidental expenses 236 00:14:29,309 --> 00:14:31,310 one is apt to incur, eh? 237 00:14:35,648 --> 00:14:36,483 - Cigarette, Spike? 238 00:14:36,484 --> 00:14:37,484 - No thanks, Harry. 239 00:14:37,485 --> 00:14:39,443 The old place hasn't changed much, has it? 240 00:14:39,444 --> 00:14:41,111 - No, not even the sheets. 241 00:14:41,112 --> 00:14:42,363 - Ah, there you are Harry, my boy. 242 00:14:42,364 --> 00:14:43,323 - Ah, the Major. 243 00:14:43,324 --> 00:14:44,656 - Yes now, about that little drink 244 00:14:44,657 --> 00:14:46,116 we were going to have together. 245 00:14:46,117 --> 00:14:47,368 I've been thinking honestly 246 00:14:47,369 --> 00:14:49,828 about that vast sum of money of yours. 247 00:14:49,829 --> 00:14:51,246 Now, as I was saying earlier, 248 00:14:51,247 --> 00:14:52,790 I have a few business contacts. 249 00:14:52,791 --> 00:14:54,833 - No Major, it's my friend Harry you want. 250 00:14:54,834 --> 00:14:55,668 - Is it? 251 00:14:55,669 --> 00:14:56,835 - Yes. 252 00:14:56,836 --> 00:14:58,837 He's got the spondulix. 253 00:14:58,838 --> 00:14:59,839 - Spondulix! 254 00:15:01,216 --> 00:15:02,341 A dreadful disease. 255 00:15:02,342 --> 00:15:03,717 - No Major, the spondulix. 256 00:15:03,718 --> 00:15:04,760 - In the fingers? 257 00:15:04,761 --> 00:15:06,970 Oh, the worst place you can have it! 258 00:15:06,971 --> 00:15:09,681 It travels straight up the brain, and crumbles the arm. 259 00:15:09,682 --> 00:15:10,558 No no, no. 260 00:15:10,559 --> 00:15:13,685 It travels up the arm and crumbles the brain. 261 00:15:13,686 --> 00:15:15,729 Yes, pretty horrible, anyway. 262 00:15:15,730 --> 00:15:19,024 But as I was saying, about that money of yours my boy. 263 00:15:19,025 --> 00:15:21,110 I suggest that you invest it wisely. 264 00:15:21,111 --> 00:15:23,112 Now, when I was financial advisor 265 00:15:23,113 --> 00:15:24,988 to the Kirkintilloch Distillery, 266 00:15:24,989 --> 00:15:27,699 Mr Overproof's managing director used to say to me... 267 00:15:27,700 --> 00:15:28,951 Ah ha, what's this? 268 00:15:28,952 --> 00:15:30,369 Secret drinking session? 269 00:15:30,370 --> 00:15:31,370 - How did you know? 270 00:15:31,371 --> 00:15:33,164 Oh it's you, my dear. 271 00:15:34,332 --> 00:15:36,125 Well, we can't discuss business matters 272 00:15:36,126 --> 00:15:38,252 when ladies are present, can we? 273 00:15:38,253 --> 00:15:39,711 We'll continue our little chat later. 274 00:15:39,712 --> 00:15:40,712 - Yes, yes. 275 00:15:42,173 --> 00:15:43,174 - Spondulix. 276 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:47,803 - Well, what are you boys doing tonight? 277 00:15:47,804 --> 00:15:48,721 - Well, we were thinking of 278 00:15:48,722 --> 00:15:50,305 going for a walk and stretching our legs. 279 00:15:50,306 --> 00:15:51,557 They're made of rubber, you know? 280 00:15:51,558 --> 00:15:52,392 Stretching legs! 281 00:15:53,269 --> 00:15:54,560 - Sheila and I are going to a show 282 00:15:54,561 --> 00:15:56,437 and we thought you might like to come along. 283 00:15:56,438 --> 00:15:57,604 - Hey, that's a great idea, Spike. 284 00:15:57,605 --> 00:15:59,064 How about making up a foursome, huh? 285 00:15:59,065 --> 00:16:00,190 - Well I don't know. 286 00:16:00,191 --> 00:16:01,233 I was gonna go to the museum. 287 00:16:01,234 --> 00:16:02,110 - The museum? 288 00:16:02,111 --> 00:16:03,235 - Yes, museum. 289 00:16:03,236 --> 00:16:05,195 I like museums, you know when I get in a museum, 290 00:16:05,196 --> 00:16:06,655 you just can't get me out. 291 00:16:06,656 --> 00:16:08,031 - You mean they won't let you out. 292 00:16:09,409 --> 00:16:10,951 - Museum, well isn't that a coincidence? 293 00:16:10,952 --> 00:16:13,495 Sheila was just saying how much she loves museums. 294 00:16:13,496 --> 00:16:14,663 That makes everything fine. 295 00:16:14,664 --> 00:16:15,498 - What? 296 00:16:15,499 --> 00:16:17,166 - Well you and Spike can go to the museum, 297 00:16:17,167 --> 00:16:19,376 and Harry and I will go to the theater. 298 00:16:19,377 --> 00:16:21,044 - Hey, wait a minute. 299 00:16:21,045 --> 00:16:22,212 I'm not going to the museum, 300 00:16:22,213 --> 00:16:23,630 I'm going to the theater. 301 00:16:23,631 --> 00:16:25,215 I want to see the show too, Christine. 302 00:16:26,926 --> 00:16:29,011 - Hold it, hold it, hold it Spike. 303 00:16:29,012 --> 00:16:30,929 Why not stick to my original suggestion 304 00:16:30,930 --> 00:16:31,848 and all make up a foursome? 305 00:16:31,849 --> 00:16:34,266 - All right, anything for peace and quiet. 306 00:16:34,267 --> 00:16:35,893 - Well all right, then. 307 00:16:35,894 --> 00:16:36,811 Come along, Sheila. 308 00:16:36,812 --> 00:16:38,353 We're going to get ready. 309 00:16:38,354 --> 00:16:40,105 Goodbye Harrykins. - Bye. 310 00:16:40,106 --> 00:16:43,401 See you in half an hour. 311 00:16:47,030 --> 00:16:48,030 Bye, Harry. 312 00:16:49,991 --> 00:16:51,451 - Well, Spike. 313 00:16:53,036 --> 00:16:54,036 She loves me. 314 00:16:55,413 --> 00:16:56,538 She's wonderful. 315 00:16:56,539 --> 00:16:57,539 - Wonderful nothing. 316 00:16:57,540 --> 00:17:00,292 Take away her lovely blonde hair and what have you got? 317 00:17:00,293 --> 00:17:02,711 The most beautiful bald-headed woman in Brighton. 318 00:17:04,422 --> 00:17:05,797 - Well anyhow, I hope she doesn't sting us 319 00:17:05,798 --> 00:17:07,591 for any expensive seats. 320 00:17:07,592 --> 00:17:08,592 Oh don't worry about that Spike, I'll pay. 321 00:17:08,593 --> 00:17:10,802 - You sure you can manage, Harry? 322 00:17:10,803 --> 00:17:13,138 You're down to your last 100,000, you know? 323 00:17:13,139 --> 00:17:15,349 Well Spike, you know I've got to get ready. 324 00:17:15,350 --> 00:17:17,309 I need a shave. 325 00:17:32,659 --> 00:17:36,162 - Harry, do you mind just a moment, laddy? 326 00:17:37,497 --> 00:17:38,497 Tight. 327 00:17:39,832 --> 00:17:41,208 Harry, do you mind? 328 00:17:41,209 --> 00:17:41,843 Harry! 329 00:17:42,043 --> 00:17:43,043 - Stop pushing! 330 00:17:47,340 --> 00:17:48,174 A fine thing 331 00:17:48,175 --> 00:17:50,634 expecting me to spend an evening at the museum. 332 00:17:50,635 --> 00:17:51,469 - Well I thought it would be 333 00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:53,512 a good chance to get Harry alone. 334 00:17:53,513 --> 00:17:55,847 I work better without a crowd around. 335 00:17:55,848 --> 00:17:57,599 - I don't doubt it. 336 00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,810 You'd still get him with your seams' end. 337 00:17:59,811 --> 00:18:01,436 - Of course, why not? 338 00:18:01,437 --> 00:18:03,355 - Oh, no reason that you could see. 339 00:18:03,356 --> 00:18:05,692 - What do you mean by that? 340 00:18:07,819 --> 00:18:11,113 Well, having seen the prospective victim, 341 00:18:11,114 --> 00:18:13,907 I've come to the conclusion that he's quite nice. 342 00:18:13,908 --> 00:18:15,994 - L100,000 is quite nice. 343 00:18:17,412 --> 00:18:20,540 Well I don't know, it seems like a mean trick, Christine. 344 00:18:21,583 --> 00:18:22,874 - Oh I don't know. 345 00:18:22,875 --> 00:18:25,127 Wouldn't you do the same if you were in my shoes? 346 00:18:25,128 --> 00:18:27,879 No I wouldn't, not to a sweet-natured boy like Harry. 347 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,550 He's obviously sensitive and could easily be hurt. 348 00:18:31,426 --> 00:18:32,385 - Now you wouldn't be getting 349 00:18:32,386 --> 00:18:33,802 interested yourself, would you? 350 00:18:33,803 --> 00:18:35,470 - Of course not. 351 00:18:35,471 --> 00:18:36,680 - Oh, of course not. 352 00:18:36,681 --> 00:18:37,599 Better mind you don't. 353 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,142 I've made up my mind and I don't want you cutting in. 354 00:18:40,143 --> 00:18:41,560 - You can't say that, Christine, 355 00:18:41,561 --> 00:18:43,729 maybe you're not his type. 356 00:18:43,730 --> 00:18:46,231 - I wonder what type he really likes. 357 00:18:46,232 --> 00:18:50,068 I wonder if he likes those coy, shy kind of women? 358 00:18:50,069 --> 00:18:51,778 I shouldn't think so. 359 00:18:51,779 --> 00:18:53,655 Look, I'll tell you what, Sheila. 360 00:18:53,656 --> 00:18:57,409 We'll try the neurotic Bette Davis type of woman. 361 00:18:57,410 --> 00:18:59,036 We'll see how he likes that. 362 00:18:59,037 --> 00:19:02,039 Now you're Harry, and I'm neurotic, 363 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:03,041 and I'm Bette Davis. 364 00:19:06,586 --> 00:19:10,005 Oh Harry, how I'd love for you to come, 365 00:19:10,006 --> 00:19:12,257 and how lovely of you to ask me out. 366 00:19:12,258 --> 00:19:14,718 Oh of course, I'd love to, 367 00:19:14,719 --> 00:19:16,596 if for a moment, I'll get cigarettes. 368 00:19:40,370 --> 00:19:43,205 No, I don't think that's his type at all. 369 00:19:43,206 --> 00:19:44,956 - Well, how about Gloria Swanson. 370 00:19:44,957 --> 00:19:47,084 Swanson in her heyday. 371 00:20:17,490 --> 00:20:18,490 How about that? 372 00:20:18,491 --> 00:20:19,658 - Oh come on, let's hurry. 373 00:20:19,659 --> 00:20:20,743 - They'll be waiting. 374 00:20:26,457 --> 00:20:28,208 - Relax Harry, relax. 375 00:20:28,209 --> 00:20:30,252 Haven't you ever taken a girl out before? 376 00:20:30,253 --> 00:20:31,170 - No. 377 00:20:31,171 --> 00:20:32,171 Look at you, you're shaking like a surgeon 378 00:20:32,172 --> 00:20:33,964 at his first operation. 379 00:20:33,965 --> 00:20:34,841 - That's no laughing matter, 380 00:20:34,842 --> 00:20:36,591 that happens to be a very nerve-wracking experience. 381 00:20:36,592 --> 00:20:37,884 - Really? - Yes, indeed. 382 00:20:37,885 --> 00:20:38,720 Tell me more. 383 00:20:38,721 --> 00:20:39,761 - Have you ever seen an operation? 384 00:20:39,762 --> 00:20:40,887 - No. 385 00:20:40,888 --> 00:20:41,764 - Ever seen another surgeon in operation? 386 00:20:41,964 --> 00:20:42,598 - No. 387 00:20:42,599 --> 00:20:43,999 - I'll tell you about it, sit down. 388 00:20:45,017 --> 00:20:46,935 It happened to a friend of mine once. 389 00:20:46,936 --> 00:20:50,272 He was a surgeon at a very big London hospital, you see. 390 00:20:50,273 --> 00:20:52,107 Imagine it, the scene, 391 00:20:52,108 --> 00:20:54,192 the operating theater of a big London hospital, 392 00:20:54,193 --> 00:20:55,736 all around are tiers upon tiers 393 00:20:55,737 --> 00:20:57,154 of medical students watching him, 394 00:20:57,155 --> 00:21:00,657 waiting for him to make his first mistake. 395 00:21:00,658 --> 00:21:03,326 In front is the patient laid out for the operation, 396 00:21:03,327 --> 00:21:04,911 covered in a big, white sheet. 397 00:21:04,912 --> 00:21:07,330 And on the left, on the left stands a nurse 398 00:21:07,331 --> 00:21:09,040 with all the instruments of torture. 399 00:21:09,041 --> 00:21:11,001 Now he's very nervous, he's very embarrassed, 400 00:21:11,002 --> 00:21:12,377 and it's his first operation. 401 00:21:12,378 --> 00:21:15,840 He's just coming into the operating theater. 402 00:21:18,050 --> 00:21:19,552 "Hello." 403 00:21:23,222 --> 00:21:24,056 "Thank you, nurse." 404 00:21:24,057 --> 00:21:27,393 "Don't want to look nervous." 405 00:23:36,981 --> 00:23:38,189 - Very good, Harry. 406 00:23:38,190 --> 00:23:39,316 Very good Harry, very good. 407 00:23:39,317 --> 00:23:43,236 You can only take out what you put in, eh? 408 00:23:43,237 --> 00:23:44,779 Hey, what's the time? 409 00:23:44,780 --> 00:23:46,448 Hey it's late, Spike, what happened to those girls? 410 00:23:46,449 --> 00:23:47,283 - Well I shouldn't worry, 411 00:23:47,284 --> 00:23:48,450 I suppose they're upstairs getting ready, 412 00:23:48,451 --> 00:23:50,201 you know how girls are? 413 00:23:50,202 --> 00:23:55,207 Hey, I like Christine, but she frightens me. 414 00:23:55,416 --> 00:23:56,250 - Really? 415 00:23:56,251 --> 00:23:57,375 - She's a big girl, isn't she? 416 00:23:57,376 --> 00:23:58,878 She's strong, see their arms? 417 00:24:00,463 --> 00:24:02,547 Well I assume that'll make a monkey out of you, Harry. 418 00:24:02,548 --> 00:24:03,424 Oh we're gonna make a monkey out of me, Spike, 419 00:24:03,425 --> 00:24:05,133 no indeed. 420 00:24:14,852 --> 00:24:16,853 Hello boys, making yourselves at home I see. 421 00:24:16,854 --> 00:24:18,730 - Hello, Christine. 422 00:24:18,731 --> 00:24:19,731 - Hello. 423 00:24:21,067 --> 00:24:22,734 - My, you look lovely tonight. 424 00:24:22,735 --> 00:24:24,319 That's a beautiful perfume you're wearing, too, isn't it? 425 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,196 It's Sabu isn't it? 426 00:24:26,197 --> 00:24:27,238 - No, it's Tabu. 427 00:24:27,239 --> 00:24:28,157 - Oh no, you can't fool me. 428 00:24:28,158 --> 00:24:29,616 I know it anywhere, that's Sabu. 429 00:24:29,617 --> 00:24:33,036 Harry, it's Tabu, Sabu is the boy that washes elephants. 430 00:24:33,037 --> 00:24:33,913 - Can you think of anyone 431 00:24:33,914 --> 00:24:35,288 that needs perfume more than he does? 432 00:24:36,332 --> 00:24:37,707 Oh well, let's go. 433 00:24:53,516 --> 00:24:55,684 Well my friend, did you see who that was? 434 00:24:55,685 --> 00:24:57,268 - Who? 435 00:24:57,269 --> 00:24:59,145 - That my friend was the man 436 00:24:59,146 --> 00:25:02,148 with over L100,000, Harry Flakers. 437 00:25:02,149 --> 00:25:02,984 - Well what are we waiting for? 438 00:25:02,985 --> 00:25:06,486 Ah not so quick my impetuous friend, not so fast. 439 00:25:06,487 --> 00:25:08,071 We should make his acquaintance in due course. 440 00:25:08,072 --> 00:25:10,491 In the meantime, please ring the bell, would you? 441 00:25:18,290 --> 00:25:20,417 Good day to you madam. 442 00:25:20,418 --> 00:25:21,152 - How do you do? 443 00:25:21,352 --> 00:25:22,086 Can I help you? 444 00:25:22,087 --> 00:25:23,712 I sincerely hope so madam, I sincerely hope so. 445 00:25:23,713 --> 00:25:26,047 My friend and I are seeking refuge 446 00:25:26,048 --> 00:25:28,383 from the hurly-burly of the great metropolis 447 00:25:28,384 --> 00:25:30,135 and we hope to find accommodation 448 00:25:30,136 --> 00:25:31,761 in your charming residence. 449 00:25:31,762 --> 00:25:33,304 We've heard so much praise of you 450 00:25:33,305 --> 00:25:35,515 that it would break our hearts if we had to go elsewhere, 451 00:25:35,516 --> 00:25:37,017 it would absolutely break our hearts. 452 00:25:37,018 --> 00:25:39,269 Well I have a double room if you don't mind sharing, 453 00:25:39,270 --> 00:25:40,187 it's a very nice room. 454 00:25:40,188 --> 00:25:41,604 - Oh splendid madam, splendid. 455 00:25:41,605 --> 00:25:43,273 My colleague and I have so much do discuss, 456 00:25:43,274 --> 00:25:45,316 business, you know, that sharing a room 457 00:25:45,317 --> 00:25:46,860 wouldn't inconvenience us whatsoever. 458 00:25:46,861 --> 00:25:48,278 Well then, if you'll just sign the register, 459 00:25:48,279 --> 00:25:49,113 I'll take you up myself. 460 00:25:49,313 --> 00:25:50,113 - Of course, madam. 461 00:25:53,951 --> 00:25:58,039 Name: Edward Haynes. 462 00:25:59,248 --> 00:26:02,835 Address: London West. 463 00:26:03,711 --> 00:26:08,716 Occupation: printer, engraver, and duplicator. 464 00:26:14,638 --> 00:26:16,640 Make your mark, Mr Graves. 465 00:26:21,437 --> 00:26:22,688 Your full name. 466 00:26:26,067 --> 00:26:28,485 - Why don't you drop dead. 467 00:26:28,486 --> 00:26:30,528 - Later laddy, later. 468 00:26:30,529 --> 00:26:33,031 Mrs Brown, you must be very busy this time of year. 469 00:26:33,032 --> 00:26:34,491 I have great admiration for people like you, 470 00:26:34,492 --> 00:26:35,867 who run things so efficiently. 471 00:26:35,868 --> 00:26:37,202 - Well I do my best. 472 00:26:37,203 --> 00:26:39,079 Now if you'll come along, I'll show you the way. 473 00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:40,205 It's the first floor. 474 00:26:40,206 --> 00:26:42,123 We have some charming people staying here, 475 00:26:42,124 --> 00:26:43,583 but they're all out at the moment. 476 00:26:43,584 --> 00:26:45,669 Probably enjoying the winter sunshine, Mrs Brown. 477 00:26:46,712 --> 00:26:49,005 You'll never guess who's in the next room to you. 478 00:26:49,006 --> 00:26:50,006 - Shah of Persia, perhaps? 479 00:26:50,007 --> 00:26:50,841 - Oh no. 480 00:26:50,842 --> 00:26:53,134 - Not the Shah of Persia, then whom? 481 00:26:53,135 --> 00:26:54,135 - The young Mr Flakers, 482 00:26:54,136 --> 00:26:56,554 the gentleman that won all the money in the football pool. 483 00:26:56,555 --> 00:26:58,807 - Blimey, what a turnout for the book. 484 00:26:58,808 --> 00:26:59,642 - I beg your pardon? 485 00:26:59,643 --> 00:27:02,102 My friend's referring to the bookies, right, 486 00:27:02,103 --> 00:27:04,020 he's a literary gentleman, 487 00:27:04,021 --> 00:27:06,941 quite unsuccessful of course. 488 00:27:08,442 --> 00:27:09,734 I think you'll find this very comfortable, 489 00:27:09,735 --> 00:27:12,237 there's a lovely view of the sea from the window. 490 00:27:12,238 --> 00:27:14,239 If you stand on a chair and lean well out. 491 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,533 - Splendid, splendid madam, splendid. 492 00:27:16,534 --> 00:27:18,952 Laddy, you must remind me to get a chair and try it one day. 493 00:27:18,953 --> 00:27:20,453 - I remember when I first took this place. 494 00:27:20,454 --> 00:27:22,789 The state of dilapidation was terrible. 495 00:27:22,790 --> 00:27:24,541 The wallpaper was coming off the walls 496 00:27:24,542 --> 00:27:26,417 and the paint work was... 497 00:27:26,418 --> 00:27:27,836 Aren't you feeling so good, Mr Graves. 498 00:27:27,837 --> 00:27:30,004 - No, been a lot of influenza about. 499 00:27:30,005 --> 00:27:31,506 - Yes, I realize that, but I didn't... 500 00:27:31,507 --> 00:27:32,341 - Come to think of it, 501 00:27:32,342 --> 00:27:34,134 you don't look so good yourself, sister. 502 00:27:34,135 --> 00:27:36,427 Nonsense, I've never had a day's illness in my life. 503 00:27:36,428 --> 00:27:37,804 - No, I'm not talking about your health. 504 00:27:37,805 --> 00:27:39,973 I just said you don't look so good. 505 00:27:39,974 --> 00:27:41,641 - Well I... 506 00:27:41,642 --> 00:27:42,725 - Doesn't make any difference. 507 00:27:42,726 --> 00:27:45,603 One day you're laughing and happy, just like me. 508 00:27:45,604 --> 00:27:47,605 Then all of a sudden, bingo. 509 00:27:47,606 --> 00:27:48,440 - Bingo? 510 00:27:48,441 --> 00:27:49,692 - Open your trap. 511 00:27:51,318 --> 00:27:52,318 Say "Ahh." 512 00:27:52,319 --> 00:27:53,945 - "Ahh." 513 00:27:53,946 --> 00:27:55,113 - Take it easy. 514 00:27:57,992 --> 00:27:59,200 - Good heavens, good heavens. 515 00:27:59,201 --> 00:28:00,952 What's this scoundrel done to you. 516 00:28:00,953 --> 00:28:03,788 Silence, stand apace, lackey! 517 00:28:03,789 --> 00:28:04,956 Now dear. 518 00:28:04,957 --> 00:28:06,499 - He made me open my mouth. 519 00:28:06,500 --> 00:28:07,334 - Oh, that wasn't very difficult. 520 00:28:07,335 --> 00:28:09,544 - No, but he made me say "Ahh!" 521 00:28:09,545 --> 00:28:10,795 - And here we go again! - Stop it! 522 00:28:10,796 --> 00:28:12,463 Give me that filthy stuff. 523 00:28:12,464 --> 00:28:15,008 Madam, madam, please compose yourself, madam. 524 00:28:15,009 --> 00:28:17,635 I shall see that you're compensated for this deed. 525 00:28:17,636 --> 00:28:20,805 Fear not, you will be compensated in cash. 526 00:28:20,806 --> 00:28:23,767 As soon as we can get the machine working. 527 00:28:35,029 --> 00:28:37,238 Now then, puddinghead, 528 00:28:37,239 --> 00:28:39,240 what rubbishy concoction was in this bottle? 529 00:28:39,241 --> 00:28:40,075 - Brandy! 530 00:28:40,076 --> 00:28:41,826 Brandy. 531 00:28:41,827 --> 00:28:43,329 Brandy? 532 00:29:03,307 --> 00:29:06,059 And now, laddy, now to work. 533 00:29:06,060 --> 00:29:07,852 First of all, we must conceal a microphone 534 00:29:07,853 --> 00:29:09,687 in our prospective client's room. 535 00:29:09,688 --> 00:29:10,855 We might be able to overhear 536 00:29:10,856 --> 00:29:13,274 something that can be of our advantage. 537 00:29:13,275 --> 00:29:15,193 Have you all the necessary equipment? 538 00:29:15,194 --> 00:29:19,530 - I bought them off a boy scout. 539 00:29:19,531 --> 00:29:21,366 He needed the money for his income tax. 540 00:29:21,367 --> 00:29:24,703 Come, laddy. 541 00:29:28,666 --> 00:29:32,961 Let us do our good deed for the day, shall we? 542 00:29:47,559 --> 00:29:50,229 First of all, we must conceal our microphone. 543 00:29:54,566 --> 00:29:55,733 Looks very ancient, doesn't it? 544 00:29:55,734 --> 00:29:58,069 - Yeah, I pinched it from the BBC. 545 00:29:58,070 --> 00:29:59,153 - You might have pinched a good one 546 00:29:59,154 --> 00:30:00,655 whilst you were about it. 547 00:30:00,656 --> 00:30:03,867 - I would have, I only had four minutes. 548 00:30:08,497 --> 00:30:09,540 - Where can I put it? 549 00:30:10,666 --> 00:30:12,251 - You can stick it up there. 550 00:30:13,794 --> 00:30:15,253 - Ah, the flue. 551 00:30:15,254 --> 00:30:18,090 Yeah, there's been a lot of it about, hasn't there? 552 00:30:19,216 --> 00:30:24,220 Hey, do you know one man dies every six hours of flu? 553 00:30:24,221 --> 00:30:25,221 Yes,. 554 00:30:30,853 --> 00:30:33,188 Hello, what have we here? 555 00:30:47,870 --> 00:30:52,582 Hey, it's Mr Flakers' little money box. 556 00:30:52,583 --> 00:30:53,709 How sweet. 557 00:30:57,796 --> 00:30:58,921 - What do you think? 558 00:30:58,922 --> 00:31:00,674 - Very good, indeed. 559 00:31:01,925 --> 00:31:03,968 Made by a very, very reputable hand. 560 00:31:03,969 --> 00:31:05,470 - Yeah, who? 561 00:31:05,471 --> 00:31:07,305 - The Royal Mint. 562 00:31:07,306 --> 00:31:08,765 - You mean they're real? 563 00:31:08,766 --> 00:31:09,933 - Yes, indeed. 564 00:31:10,768 --> 00:31:11,809 Just a moment, just a moment. 565 00:31:11,810 --> 00:31:14,062 Don't be so impetuous, my friend. 566 00:31:14,063 --> 00:31:15,646 We must replace his hoard, 567 00:31:15,647 --> 00:31:17,607 then get down to some constructive work. 568 00:31:17,608 --> 00:31:19,650 - Yeah, but we can't leave this lot. 569 00:31:19,651 --> 00:31:22,028 Well, it would be criminal! 570 00:31:22,029 --> 00:31:24,989 All in good time, laddy, all in good time. 571 00:31:24,990 --> 00:31:28,326 Now, replace the case and let's get back to our room. 572 00:31:28,327 --> 00:31:31,412 There you will manufacture some spurious high-pound notes, 573 00:31:31,413 --> 00:31:33,664 exchange them for the genuine article, 574 00:31:33,665 --> 00:31:37,961 and then we can depart at our leisure. 575 00:31:39,380 --> 00:31:41,339 - Listen, bigot, you're a terrific man, 576 00:31:41,340 --> 00:31:42,674 you're a financial lizard. 577 00:31:43,634 --> 00:31:46,887 - Wizard, laddy, wizard wizard. 578 00:31:48,180 --> 00:31:50,182 - Oh yes, bang on, terribly, what? 579 00:31:51,225 --> 00:31:52,517 - Yes, it's very, very funny. 580 00:31:52,518 --> 00:31:55,187 But now, back to our machines. 581 00:31:58,690 --> 00:31:59,690 Laddy! 582 00:33:05,466 --> 00:33:07,633 - Could you get a bit closer, Harry? 583 00:33:07,634 --> 00:33:11,638 If I was any closer, I'd be on the other side. 584 00:34:07,486 --> 00:34:08,486 - This night 585 00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:13,242 and Andromeda has reached its zenith 586 00:34:14,326 --> 00:34:17,537 I come to you that you may be initiated 587 00:34:17,538 --> 00:34:19,414 into the last of the great arts. 588 00:34:20,791 --> 00:34:22,543 The art of metabolists, Isolagenos. 589 00:34:26,547 --> 00:34:28,298 Known in common speech 590 00:34:30,509 --> 00:34:32,009 the hypnosis. 591 00:34:32,010 --> 00:34:33,594 - It's all a trick, you know? 592 00:34:33,595 --> 00:34:34,929 - Is it really? 593 00:34:34,930 --> 00:34:36,639 They've got people planted in the audience. 594 00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:37,558 - Have they? 595 00:34:37,559 --> 00:34:38,642 - You'll see. 596 00:34:40,310 --> 00:34:42,728 - Now I want you all 597 00:34:42,729 --> 00:34:45,274 to clasp your hands above your heads like this 598 00:34:47,693 --> 00:34:49,903 and concentrate on me. 599 00:34:58,537 --> 00:35:03,542 Concentrate. 600 00:35:04,126 --> 00:35:05,126 Concentrate. 601 00:35:09,756 --> 00:35:10,757 Concentrate. 602 00:35:19,266 --> 00:35:20,433 When those of you who can 603 00:35:20,434 --> 00:35:22,728 unclasp your arms. 604 00:35:27,357 --> 00:35:29,066 Those of you who cannot, 605 00:35:29,067 --> 00:35:30,736 come up onto the stage. 606 00:35:55,260 --> 00:35:58,262 Ah, this is what I require. 607 00:35:58,263 --> 00:36:01,766 These people are now completely under my control. 608 00:36:01,767 --> 00:36:03,226 In my power. 609 00:36:05,312 --> 00:36:08,357 Slaves, lower your hands. 610 00:36:16,448 --> 00:36:18,366 You are now members of the 611 00:36:18,367 --> 00:36:22,913 Bolshestoy Grand State Philharmonic Orchestra. 612 00:36:24,081 --> 00:36:26,749 You, you will rise above 613 00:36:26,750 --> 00:36:29,502 the insignificant role you play in life 614 00:36:29,503 --> 00:36:31,296 and will become the first violinist 615 00:36:32,172 --> 00:36:33,382 of this grand orchestra. 616 00:36:34,758 --> 00:36:36,842 Second violinist. 617 00:36:36,843 --> 00:36:37,843 Double bass. 618 00:36:38,804 --> 00:36:39,804 Cellos. 619 00:36:42,391 --> 00:36:43,391 Soprano. 620 00:36:44,810 --> 00:36:46,352 Brass. 621 00:36:46,353 --> 00:36:47,561 Flutes. 622 00:36:47,562 --> 00:36:48,562 Baritone. 623 00:36:49,898 --> 00:36:50,898 Play! 624 00:37:33,775 --> 00:37:37,027 d Give my life for thee d 625 00:37:37,028 --> 00:37:40,448 d Without a thing d 626 00:37:40,449 --> 00:37:44,326 d Will no longer think of me d 627 00:37:44,327 --> 00:37:47,747 d Oh think of me d 628 00:37:47,748 --> 00:37:51,251 d My Eleonora think of me d 629 00:38:02,053 --> 00:38:05,389 d Without a thing d 630 00:38:05,390 --> 00:38:09,059 d Will no longer of think of me d 631 00:38:09,060 --> 00:38:12,188 d He will not think d 632 00:38:12,189 --> 00:38:15,775 d My Eleonora d 633 00:38:15,776 --> 00:38:19,612 d Farewell d 634 00:38:19,613 --> 00:38:20,447 d I will think of thee d 635 00:38:20,448 --> 00:38:21,655 d I will think of thee d 636 00:38:21,656 --> 00:38:24,868 d I will think of thee d 637 00:38:38,423 --> 00:38:41,885 Having elevated you to the realms of celestial music, 638 00:38:43,762 --> 00:38:47,556 I will now transport you to the primitive, 639 00:38:47,557 --> 00:38:48,557 the bestial. 640 00:38:49,893 --> 00:38:52,646 You are now the world's heavyweight champion. 641 00:38:53,605 --> 00:38:54,605 Fight! 642 00:39:03,615 --> 00:39:06,700 Observe the perfect coordination of mind and muscle, 643 00:39:06,701 --> 00:39:07,577 the footwork, 644 00:39:07,578 --> 00:39:08,619 the thrust to the right, 645 00:39:08,620 --> 00:39:10,871 the power, the control! 646 00:39:10,872 --> 00:39:13,332 This man has been transformed against his will 647 00:39:13,333 --> 00:39:16,377 into a magnificent fighting machine. 648 00:39:16,378 --> 00:39:19,213 A superb specimen of primitive bestiality. 649 00:39:19,214 --> 00:39:21,632 Ruthless, a killer! 650 00:39:21,633 --> 00:39:22,801 But that part's cast. 651 00:39:26,471 --> 00:39:28,305 And that, ladies and gentlemen, 652 00:39:28,306 --> 00:39:29,933 will be all for tonight. 653 00:39:36,898 --> 00:39:38,357 - Oh, Harry. 654 00:39:38,358 --> 00:39:41,652 Harry, darling, oh what's she done to you? 655 00:39:41,653 --> 00:39:42,653 - Harry? 656 00:40:42,505 --> 00:40:43,923 - How do you feel, darling? 657 00:40:43,924 --> 00:40:44,799 - Where am I? 658 00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:46,634 You're in the theater, you had an accident. 659 00:40:46,635 --> 00:40:47,968 But how do you feel? 660 00:40:47,969 --> 00:40:50,721 - I feel as though I had an accident. 661 00:40:50,722 --> 00:40:53,724 Oh, can we see the rest of the show now? 662 00:40:53,725 --> 00:40:55,476 - They stopped the show. 663 00:40:55,477 --> 00:40:57,645 I don't think we're very popular around here. 664 00:40:57,646 --> 00:40:59,104 - Why, the others had accidents too? 665 00:40:59,105 --> 00:41:00,230 - Are you kidding? 666 00:41:00,231 --> 00:41:01,650 Come on, we better get going. 667 00:41:05,487 --> 00:41:07,196 - So you think all hypnotists are fakes 668 00:41:07,197 --> 00:41:09,031 and everybody's planted. 669 00:41:09,032 --> 00:41:11,116 - Who planted you? 670 00:41:11,117 --> 00:41:13,911 Well, my mother said the stork brought us. 671 00:41:13,912 --> 00:41:15,412 - Us, there's more than one? 672 00:41:15,413 --> 00:41:18,290 I'm one of triplets, one of us is a girl. 673 00:41:18,291 --> 00:41:19,209 - And what was the third? 674 00:41:19,210 --> 00:41:22,086 - We never found out, it flew away. 675 00:41:22,087 --> 00:41:24,881 If I had been in the cradle, he might have done the same. 676 00:41:26,758 --> 00:41:29,301 Well my dear Haynes, I'm sure you'll find 677 00:41:29,302 --> 00:41:31,220 the North Pole Coconut Corporation 678 00:41:31,221 --> 00:41:33,013 is a flourishing concern. 679 00:41:33,014 --> 00:41:34,765 They pay enormous dividends, you know? 680 00:41:34,766 --> 00:41:36,100 Chart it up to me. 681 00:41:36,101 --> 00:41:39,604 Oh no, no, no, no charge it up to me, I insist. 682 00:41:40,522 --> 00:41:41,689 - So do I, chart it up to you. 683 00:41:41,690 --> 00:41:43,482 - Very good, sir. 684 00:41:43,483 --> 00:41:45,192 - Well Major, back to business eh? 685 00:41:45,193 --> 00:41:47,111 - Yes, of course. 686 00:41:47,112 --> 00:41:48,946 Here you are, my dear sir. 687 00:41:48,947 --> 00:41:52,074 One hundred shares in the North Pole Coconut Corporation. 688 00:41:52,075 --> 00:41:53,534 - Ah, fine. 689 00:41:53,535 --> 00:41:55,452 And here you are, my friend. 690 00:41:55,453 --> 00:42:00,125 One hundred pound in crisp new fivers, eh? 691 00:42:04,796 --> 00:42:06,672 - Well, thank you sir. 692 00:42:06,673 --> 00:42:09,133 Now if you'll excuse me, I have some friends to meet. 693 00:42:09,134 --> 00:42:11,343 But of course. 694 00:42:11,344 --> 00:42:12,511 Goodbye, sir. 695 00:42:12,512 --> 00:42:13,512 - Goodbye. 696 00:42:14,806 --> 00:42:17,392 Ah, laddy, there's one born every minute. 697 00:42:18,268 --> 00:42:19,811 - There's one born every minute 698 00:42:20,770 --> 00:42:23,523 and he's bought a horrible life in coconuts. 699 00:42:24,649 --> 00:42:27,234 Ah, there you are Harry, my boy! 700 00:42:27,235 --> 00:42:29,570 Let me get you a drink. 701 00:42:32,198 --> 00:42:34,158 - Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry! 702 00:42:34,159 --> 00:42:37,036 My name's Spike, you know my dibis is wearing a bit thin. 703 00:42:37,037 --> 00:42:38,037 - Is it, my boy? 704 00:42:38,788 --> 00:42:41,331 So it is, oh well, we can soon rectify that, can't we? 705 00:42:41,332 --> 00:42:42,833 Two large gins, please. 706 00:42:42,834 --> 00:42:43,668 As I was saying, 707 00:42:43,669 --> 00:42:45,419 I have some shares in a certain little tailor... 708 00:42:45,420 --> 00:42:47,629 Some other time, Major, we were just leaving. 709 00:42:47,630 --> 00:42:49,590 - We weren't, but it's a good idea! 710 00:42:49,591 --> 00:42:50,883 - Surely you... 711 00:42:50,884 --> 00:42:53,010 - Goodnight, Major. 712 00:42:53,011 --> 00:42:55,345 - Good luck to you all, then. 713 00:42:55,346 --> 00:42:57,056 Poor boy with the spondurix. 714 00:42:57,057 --> 00:42:58,057 - Your gin, sir. 715 00:43:00,101 --> 00:43:02,519 - You'd never think it, would you? 716 00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:03,687 - Think what, sir? 717 00:43:03,688 --> 00:43:04,938 - Well, they all seem 718 00:43:04,939 --> 00:43:06,982 to have contracted the dreadful affliction. 719 00:43:06,983 --> 00:43:08,192 - What affliction, sir? 720 00:43:08,193 --> 00:43:11,028 The spondurix, one of the most pernicious diseases. 721 00:43:11,029 --> 00:43:13,322 The natives used to get it in their bazaars. 722 00:43:13,323 --> 00:43:14,199 - Very nasty place to get it, sir. 723 00:43:14,399 --> 00:43:15,199 - The worst, yeah. 724 00:43:16,242 --> 00:43:18,702 They used to get maddened by dogs, we had to shoot him. 725 00:43:18,703 --> 00:43:19,703 - Really? 726 00:43:19,704 --> 00:43:22,206 Yes, sometimes we had to shoot the dogs as well. 727 00:43:22,207 --> 00:43:23,207 - Were they mad? 728 00:43:23,208 --> 00:43:26,543 Well, they weren't very pleased about it, you know? 729 00:43:26,544 --> 00:43:27,544 - Good evening, barman. 730 00:43:27,545 --> 00:43:28,379 - Good evening, sir. 731 00:43:28,380 --> 00:43:30,881 A large gin, please, I'm celebrating tonight. 732 00:43:30,882 --> 00:43:31,924 - Celebrating, sir? 733 00:43:31,925 --> 00:43:33,717 And what is the happy occasion? 734 00:43:33,718 --> 00:43:36,136 - I've just buried my mother-in-law. 735 00:43:36,137 --> 00:43:38,389 I had to, she died. 736 00:43:41,267 --> 00:43:44,561 Oh, excuse me sir, but I seem to know your face. 737 00:43:44,562 --> 00:43:45,562 - You do? - Yes. 738 00:43:45,563 --> 00:43:48,190 Didn't I see you down at the Channing? 739 00:43:48,191 --> 00:43:49,399 - The Channing? What Channing? 740 00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:51,193 - Another large gin. 741 00:43:51,194 --> 00:43:53,237 Very good, sir. 742 00:43:53,238 --> 00:43:54,239 - Thank you. 743 00:43:57,158 --> 00:43:59,451 Listen, you see that trophy up there? 744 00:43:59,452 --> 00:44:00,086 - Yes. 745 00:44:00,286 --> 00:44:01,204 - I bagged that. 746 00:44:01,205 --> 00:44:02,746 - You did? - Yes. 747 00:44:02,747 --> 00:44:04,790 I shot it right between the horns. 748 00:44:04,791 --> 00:44:07,251 - Ah, you nearly had me that time! 749 00:44:07,252 --> 00:44:09,419 You thought I was gonna say same again. 750 00:44:09,420 --> 00:44:12,256 - You heard what the man said, same again. 751 00:44:12,257 --> 00:44:14,424 Very good, sir. 752 00:44:14,425 --> 00:44:19,138 Well laddy, what about a little game of cut, hm? 753 00:44:19,139 --> 00:44:20,430 - Cut? 754 00:44:20,431 --> 00:44:21,807 Hey, but that's a game of chance. 755 00:44:21,808 --> 00:44:24,768 Chance, laddy? 756 00:44:24,769 --> 00:44:25,937 Not the way I play it. 757 00:44:27,105 --> 00:44:29,940 Now, a little stake, shall we say... 758 00:44:29,941 --> 00:44:31,233 - Well, I'll bet you a pound. 759 00:44:31,234 --> 00:44:35,070 Oh, I don't want to see your money, laddy, 760 00:44:35,071 --> 00:44:36,530 a gentleman's game. 761 00:44:36,531 --> 00:44:37,531 After you. 762 00:44:38,700 --> 00:44:40,117 - King! 763 00:44:40,118 --> 00:44:43,704 Ah, ta ta ta, laddy, don't show it to me. 764 00:44:43,705 --> 00:44:46,248 A gentleman's game, I don't want to see it. 765 00:44:46,249 --> 00:44:47,458 Ah, the king, eh? 766 00:44:49,252 --> 00:44:51,588 Ace. 767 00:44:52,589 --> 00:44:53,423 - Ace? 768 00:44:53,424 --> 00:44:54,756 - Oh, of course you don't believe, 769 00:44:54,757 --> 00:44:56,550 you want to see it, don't you? 770 00:44:59,971 --> 00:45:03,140 There you are, laddy. 771 00:45:03,141 --> 00:45:04,558 Thank you. 772 00:45:04,559 --> 00:45:06,810 Ah, there you are Harry, my boy. 773 00:45:06,811 --> 00:45:08,187 - Oh no. 774 00:45:08,188 --> 00:45:09,855 - Now I won't take no for an answer. 775 00:45:09,856 --> 00:45:11,357 You must have a drink with me. 776 00:45:13,526 --> 00:45:16,904 Excuse me, would you care to have a drink with me? 777 00:45:16,905 --> 00:45:18,238 - Why? 778 00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:19,865 - Why? 779 00:45:19,866 --> 00:45:21,867 Because I like you. 780 00:45:21,868 --> 00:45:23,160 - Yeah? 781 00:45:23,161 --> 00:45:24,870 - I've got something to tell you. 782 00:45:24,871 --> 00:45:25,830 - What? 783 00:45:25,831 --> 00:45:27,665 - You see that fellow over there? 784 00:45:29,167 --> 00:45:32,503 He's one of the finest fellas that's ever breathes. 785 00:45:33,630 --> 00:45:35,047 - Who? 786 00:45:35,048 --> 00:45:37,216 - Who? 787 00:45:37,217 --> 00:45:39,176 Him. 788 00:45:39,177 --> 00:45:44,140 He's done more for mankind than any other fella 789 00:45:44,682 --> 00:45:45,850 ever breathed. 790 00:45:48,853 --> 00:45:49,853 Oh, who? 791 00:45:50,605 --> 00:45:52,189 Him! 792 00:45:52,190 --> 00:45:54,942 Tell me, Harry, have you still got the spondulix. 793 00:45:54,943 --> 00:45:56,235 - Yes, I've got them here. 794 00:45:56,236 --> 00:45:57,861 - Oh, in the chest now, eh? 795 00:45:57,862 --> 00:46:00,239 Yes, and I've got some here, too. 796 00:46:00,240 --> 00:46:02,824 Oh dear, I knew they'd catch you in the end. 797 00:46:02,825 --> 00:46:05,911 Have you any idea who you got them from? 798 00:46:05,912 --> 00:46:06,995 - Yes, I got them from 799 00:46:06,996 --> 00:46:09,581 the mailing director of the foots pools. 800 00:46:09,582 --> 00:46:11,166 - How you must hate him. 801 00:46:11,167 --> 00:46:12,167 - Oh! 802 00:46:14,003 --> 00:46:18,674 He's done more, don't go away when I'm talking to you. 803 00:46:18,675 --> 00:46:22,469 It's very rude, can't you stand still five minutes? 804 00:46:27,850 --> 00:46:29,726 - What's he done? 805 00:46:29,727 --> 00:46:30,727 - What's he done? 806 00:46:31,688 --> 00:46:33,480 What's he done? 807 00:46:33,481 --> 00:46:36,358 I'll show you what's he's done. 808 00:46:36,359 --> 00:46:38,026 - Yeah, drop dead. 809 00:46:38,027 --> 00:46:40,570 A drink for you, my dear. 810 00:46:40,571 --> 00:46:43,282 A little sip there, we got it now, then? 811 00:46:43,283 --> 00:46:46,828 Oh I'm awfully sorry, I'm dreadfully sorry! 812 00:46:48,830 --> 00:46:52,917 Actually barman, another brandy having less soda. 813 00:46:55,378 --> 00:46:57,046 Thank you very much. 814 00:47:03,386 --> 00:47:05,178 Well, that brings us to the halfway mark, 815 00:47:05,179 --> 00:47:07,556 my hardworking satellite. 816 00:47:07,557 --> 00:47:09,099 - You can say that again. 817 00:47:09,100 --> 00:47:09,734 - Certainly. 818 00:47:09,934 --> 00:47:10,810 Well, that brings us to the halfway mark, 819 00:47:11,010 --> 00:47:11,769 my hardworking sate... 820 00:47:11,770 --> 00:47:13,687 - All right, bright boy. 821 00:47:13,688 --> 00:47:15,272 I wish I had your head, 822 00:47:15,273 --> 00:47:17,524 stuffed over my mantle piece. 823 00:47:17,525 --> 00:47:20,444 Come now, let us not lose our sense of humor, 824 00:47:20,445 --> 00:47:21,945 it's better that it's not. 825 00:47:21,946 --> 00:47:23,071 After all, in a very short while 826 00:47:23,072 --> 00:47:24,323 we should be in possession 827 00:47:24,324 --> 00:47:26,825 of a large amount of genuine currency 828 00:47:26,826 --> 00:47:28,952 and then we'll be set for life. 829 00:47:28,953 --> 00:47:29,829 - Well what are we waiting for? 830 00:47:29,830 --> 00:47:31,538 Look at the time. 831 00:47:31,539 --> 00:47:32,789 - Good heavens, 12:30! 832 00:47:32,790 --> 00:47:34,459 Hurry Caxton, hurry! 833 00:49:10,054 --> 00:49:12,264 Ah Harry, what do you think of this physique? 834 00:49:12,265 --> 00:49:14,057 Fine, do you think you'll ever take the place 835 00:49:14,058 --> 00:49:15,684 of the human body? 836 00:49:15,685 --> 00:49:20,064 You are just jealous of my magnificent torso, that's all. 837 00:49:23,693 --> 00:49:26,945 - Oh honey, are you in there, honey? 838 00:49:26,946 --> 00:49:27,946 Honey! 839 00:49:30,491 --> 00:49:33,201 Madam, this is a bathroom and not a compounded beehive. 840 00:49:33,202 --> 00:49:34,495 - I'm sorry, Major. 841 00:49:41,419 --> 00:49:43,713 - Oh Spike, please no, Spike. 842 00:49:44,630 --> 00:49:46,298 I couldn't stand it this morning. 843 00:49:46,299 --> 00:49:48,008 I couldn't stand it any morning. 844 00:49:48,009 --> 00:49:49,759 You shouldn't have drunk so much last night. 845 00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:51,304 - I know. 846 00:49:53,556 --> 00:49:54,639 I think I'd better get a refill, 847 00:49:54,640 --> 00:49:56,100 I spent a packet last night. 848 00:50:01,939 --> 00:50:03,107 - Pi pi pi pi! 849 00:50:04,817 --> 00:50:08,111 Madam, this is a bathroom and not a nursery. 850 00:50:08,112 --> 00:50:09,780 - I beg your pardon. 851 00:50:12,158 --> 00:50:15,952 Another night like last night and I'll be a nervous wreck. 852 00:50:17,622 --> 00:50:18,456 Come in! 853 00:50:18,457 --> 00:50:19,706 - Morning boys, how you feel? 854 00:50:19,707 --> 00:50:21,500 - Morning, Sheila. 855 00:50:21,501 --> 00:50:22,667 Ooh, I've got a terrible head. 856 00:50:22,668 --> 00:50:25,128 It's an odd shape, but it'll pass in a crowd. 857 00:50:25,129 --> 00:50:27,631 Oh not this morning dear, I've had enough from him. 858 00:50:27,632 --> 00:50:29,508 Oh well, I'm just on my way down to town. 859 00:50:29,509 --> 00:50:30,468 Anything you want? 860 00:50:30,469 --> 00:50:31,760 - Oh yes, please, some morning paper. 861 00:50:31,761 --> 00:50:32,761 - Morning? 862 00:50:35,014 --> 00:50:36,806 - And some cigarettes. 863 00:50:36,807 --> 00:50:37,849 - Some for me too. 864 00:50:37,850 --> 00:50:40,018 I'm sorry, I haven't got anything smaller, dear. 865 00:50:40,019 --> 00:50:42,646 Oh it's all right, I'll change it on the bus. 866 00:50:42,647 --> 00:50:44,189 Bye. 867 00:50:44,190 --> 00:50:45,190 - Bye. 868 00:50:55,576 --> 00:50:57,035 Don't do that. 869 00:50:57,036 --> 00:50:59,162 Hurry up, Tousen, I want my breakfast. 870 00:50:59,163 --> 00:51:02,165 - Tousen ready, twenty second. 871 00:51:02,166 --> 00:51:03,166 - Twenty second? 872 00:51:03,167 --> 00:51:04,501 I bet you five quid you're not. 873 00:51:04,502 --> 00:51:05,502 - You are. 874 00:51:43,791 --> 00:51:45,333 - Ah, Mr Flakers and Mr Donnelly. 875 00:51:45,334 --> 00:51:47,335 I'd like you to meet our two new guests, 876 00:51:47,336 --> 00:51:49,045 Mr Haynes and Mr Graves. 877 00:51:49,046 --> 00:51:50,714 - Delighted, I'm sure, delighted. 878 00:51:50,715 --> 00:51:53,091 - Well Mr, delighted, I'm Harry Flakers 879 00:51:53,092 --> 00:51:54,759 and this is Spike Donnelly, my pal. 880 00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:55,595 - I'm delighted. 881 00:51:55,596 --> 00:51:57,387 - No, he's delighted. 882 00:51:57,388 --> 00:52:00,140 Mr Flakers, I'd like you to meet my colleague, Mr Graves. 883 00:52:00,141 --> 00:52:02,058 Oh, not Digger Graves from six feet down under? 884 00:52:02,059 --> 00:52:04,729 Six feet graves? 885 00:52:05,980 --> 00:52:07,398 - Why don't you drop dead. 886 00:52:09,442 --> 00:52:11,067 - I'm Spike Donnelly. 887 00:52:11,068 --> 00:52:12,569 - And why don't you drop dead, too? 888 00:52:12,570 --> 00:52:15,822 - This is a most enjoyable encounter. 889 00:52:15,823 --> 00:52:18,825 Mr Flakers, Mrs Brown has told me so much about you. 890 00:52:18,826 --> 00:52:20,869 I feel as though I've known you all my life. 891 00:52:20,870 --> 00:52:22,329 I'm sure we're going to get on 892 00:52:22,330 --> 00:52:24,497 very, very well together, Mr Flakers. 893 00:52:24,498 --> 00:52:26,041 I trust you slept well last night, my boy? 894 00:52:26,042 --> 00:52:27,417 - Like the dead. 895 00:52:27,418 --> 00:52:28,502 - Yeah, dead drunk. 896 00:52:29,670 --> 00:52:32,255 You know, that poor boy's got the spondulix. 897 00:52:32,256 --> 00:52:34,090 I had a strange dream last night, Major. 898 00:52:34,091 --> 00:52:34,925 - Really? 899 00:52:34,926 --> 00:52:36,426 - Yes, I dreamt two men came into my room, 900 00:52:36,427 --> 00:52:39,137 poured me out a whisky, and then crept out again. 901 00:52:39,138 --> 00:52:41,890 - Good lord sir, you are in a bad way. 902 00:52:41,891 --> 00:52:44,477 Looks to me as though you've got the real spondulix. 903 00:52:47,355 --> 00:52:48,897 - Here you are boys, cigarettes. 904 00:52:48,898 --> 00:52:50,232 Hope they'll do. 905 00:52:53,277 --> 00:52:55,528 - Hello, is that the police station? 906 00:52:55,529 --> 00:52:56,905 I want to report that a dud 907 00:52:56,906 --> 00:52:58,114 five pound note's been passed on me. 908 00:52:58,115 --> 00:53:02,535 What'd you say, a counterfeit five pound note? 909 00:53:02,536 --> 00:53:04,037 Oh, that's very serious. 910 00:53:04,038 --> 00:53:05,789 Very serious matter. 911 00:53:05,790 --> 00:53:07,457 Tell me this and tell me no more: 912 00:53:07,458 --> 00:53:09,376 what color is it? 913 00:53:09,377 --> 00:53:10,211 White? 914 00:53:10,212 --> 00:53:12,837 Oh that's very significant, very significant. 915 00:53:12,838 --> 00:53:14,506 Hold on a minute, now, until I get the book. 916 00:53:14,507 --> 00:53:17,300 I have to write down the details and the particulars. 917 00:53:17,301 --> 00:53:19,803 Hold your horses now until I get the book. 918 00:53:19,804 --> 00:53:21,471 Oh, what'd I do with that book? 919 00:53:21,472 --> 00:53:24,015 Anyone seen me notebook, lads? 920 00:53:24,016 --> 00:53:25,433 Hey, Charlie! 921 00:53:25,434 --> 00:53:27,936 Charlie, did you see me notebook? 922 00:53:27,937 --> 00:53:29,689 The one we keep the dart scores in. 923 00:53:30,690 --> 00:53:31,898 - Go see who that is, Lucy. 924 00:53:31,899 --> 00:53:33,108 - Yes, madam. 925 00:53:33,109 --> 00:53:34,359 - Now I hope you've all had sufficient. 926 00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:35,319 - Well speaking for myself madam, 927 00:53:35,320 --> 00:53:37,278 an excellent meal, excellent, 928 00:53:37,279 --> 00:53:39,155 and beautifully prepared. 929 00:53:39,156 --> 00:53:40,657 - It was muck. 930 00:53:40,658 --> 00:53:44,328 Yes, but beautifully prepared. 931 00:53:46,247 --> 00:53:47,664 - There's a gentleman to see Mr Flakers 932 00:53:47,665 --> 00:53:48,873 with an American hat. 933 00:53:48,874 --> 00:53:50,834 - So what, I only wear English hats. 934 00:53:50,835 --> 00:53:53,545 No, he's wearing a hat with a small mustache. 935 00:53:53,546 --> 00:53:54,838 - I prefer my hats clean shaven. 936 00:53:56,382 --> 00:53:57,158 - Hey, I know this character. 937 00:53:57,358 --> 00:53:58,134 Has he got a Canadian accent? 938 00:53:58,135 --> 00:54:00,135 Yes, he talks like they do on the movies. 939 00:54:00,136 --> 00:54:02,095 - Then I do know him, he's a salesman. 940 00:54:02,096 --> 00:54:03,430 He was here yesterday, trying to see you, 941 00:54:03,431 --> 00:54:05,557 but I told him you didn't want to buy anything. 942 00:54:05,558 --> 00:54:07,684 Oh leave it to me, I can handle these salesmen fellas. 943 00:54:07,685 --> 00:54:09,019 I'll get rid of him. 944 00:54:11,856 --> 00:54:13,064 - Mr Flakers? 945 00:54:13,065 --> 00:54:13,899 - That's me. 946 00:54:13,900 --> 00:54:15,191 - I'm glad to know you. 947 00:54:17,945 --> 00:54:20,488 I see you like to joke, eh? 948 00:54:20,489 --> 00:54:21,698 By the mirror's coincidence, 949 00:54:21,699 --> 00:54:23,658 I happen to have with me the magnificent, 950 00:54:23,659 --> 00:54:24,951 magnificent joke book. 951 00:54:24,952 --> 00:54:27,328 Full of ten thousand gags and common jokes, 952 00:54:27,329 --> 00:54:28,663 a laugh in every line. 953 00:54:28,664 --> 00:54:29,498 - I don't want to see it. 954 00:54:29,698 --> 00:54:30,332 - You can't see it? 955 00:54:30,333 --> 00:54:31,583 Obviously, you need glasses. 956 00:54:31,584 --> 00:54:33,668 I represent the Wonderside Optic Company. 957 00:54:33,669 --> 00:54:37,213 Try our contact lenses and put a gleam in your eyes! 958 00:54:37,214 --> 00:54:38,965 We also have spectacle frames 959 00:54:38,966 --> 00:54:41,259 in all colors and sizes. 960 00:54:41,260 --> 00:54:45,096 We have large, extra large, and I wish I had bigger ears! 961 00:54:46,891 --> 00:54:47,932 - If you don't leave soon, 962 00:54:47,933 --> 00:54:49,142 one of us is gonna have an accident. 963 00:54:49,143 --> 00:54:50,102 - Then in that case, 964 00:54:50,103 --> 00:54:51,895 I represent the Rigormortis Insurance Company. 965 00:54:51,896 --> 00:54:53,438 From the cradle to the grave, 966 00:54:53,439 --> 00:54:56,274 we make your accidents worthwhile! 967 00:54:56,275 --> 00:54:59,944 The more the agony, the more the money! 968 00:54:59,945 --> 00:55:00,863 - How much does it pay? 969 00:55:00,864 --> 00:55:02,113 - Well, that all depends 970 00:55:02,114 --> 00:55:04,699 on the size of the accident, my friend. 971 00:55:04,700 --> 00:55:06,075 - Supposing he fell out of a plane? 972 00:55:06,076 --> 00:55:07,368 - Without a parachute? 973 00:55:07,369 --> 00:55:08,245 - Without a parachute. 974 00:55:08,246 --> 00:55:09,788 - One thousand pounds. 975 00:55:09,789 --> 00:55:11,080 - Without a parachute? - Yeah. 976 00:55:11,081 --> 00:55:13,416 Well suppose that I was drowned. 977 00:55:13,417 --> 00:55:16,211 - Ha, even better, two thousand pounds. 978 00:55:16,212 --> 00:55:18,004 - What if I was poisoned? 979 00:55:18,005 --> 00:55:19,464 Then you're in luck. 980 00:55:19,465 --> 00:55:22,592 If you're poisoned in a plane that falls in the sea, 981 00:55:22,593 --> 00:55:25,137 you're set for life! 982 00:55:26,555 --> 00:55:28,890 - I don't want any insurance. 983 00:55:28,891 --> 00:55:32,018 My friend, my friend, think of your wife and kids. 984 00:55:32,019 --> 00:55:32,774 - I haven't any. 985 00:55:32,974 --> 00:55:33,729 - You haven't? 986 00:55:33,730 --> 00:55:34,730 In that case my friend, 987 00:55:34,731 --> 00:55:37,315 I represent the Reno Last Chance Matrimonial Agency. 988 00:55:37,316 --> 00:55:39,108 We have all types, my friend. 989 00:55:39,109 --> 00:55:41,236 Redheads, deadheads, brunettes... 990 00:55:41,237 --> 00:55:42,779 Why don't you go, you're giving me a headache! 991 00:55:42,780 --> 00:55:43,739 - A headache? 992 00:55:43,740 --> 00:55:44,906 Oh how very fortunate for you, sir. 993 00:55:44,907 --> 00:55:47,659 I represent my friend the Wonder Atomic Aspirin Company. 994 00:55:47,660 --> 00:55:49,869 Our product is guaranteed to banish any headache. 995 00:55:49,870 --> 00:55:52,789 Take two of these red pills and your headache will vanish. 996 00:55:52,790 --> 00:55:53,624 - It does? 997 00:55:53,625 --> 00:55:55,542 Yes, but your hair falls out. 998 00:55:55,543 --> 00:55:57,961 Don't worry, though, take two of these green pills 999 00:55:57,962 --> 00:55:59,963 and your hair grows again. 1000 00:55:59,964 --> 00:56:00,798 - Thank goodness for that. 1001 00:56:00,799 --> 00:56:01,923 - But your eyebrows fall out. 1002 00:56:01,924 --> 00:56:04,551 Never mind, my friend, take three of these gray pills 1003 00:56:04,552 --> 00:56:06,553 and your eyebrows grow back in again. 1004 00:56:06,554 --> 00:56:07,720 - What's that? 1005 00:56:07,721 --> 00:56:09,389 - Your headache comes back. 1006 00:56:09,390 --> 00:56:10,807 - Oh, this is too much Mr... 1007 00:56:10,808 --> 00:56:12,725 - Arnold Fringe, Arnold P Fringe. 1008 00:56:12,726 --> 00:56:14,406 Yes Mr Fringe, you're taken away on that. 1009 00:56:29,451 --> 00:56:31,327 If you don't go away, I'll call the police! 1010 00:56:31,328 --> 00:56:33,872 Oh, you are the police. 1011 00:56:33,873 --> 00:56:36,583 - Is there any Sheila Gilroy living here? 1012 00:56:36,584 --> 00:56:37,318 - Sheila Gilroy? 1013 00:56:37,518 --> 00:56:38,252 Yeah, she's here. 1014 00:56:38,253 --> 00:56:39,669 - I'd like to speak to her, please. 1015 00:56:39,670 --> 00:56:41,922 - I'll call her. 1016 00:56:43,841 --> 00:56:45,634 Sheila, someone to see you! 1017 00:56:49,346 --> 00:56:51,764 - Oh, you wanted to see me? 1018 00:56:51,765 --> 00:56:52,765 - Are you Sheila Gilroy? 1019 00:56:52,766 --> 00:56:53,808 - Yes, that's right. 1020 00:56:53,809 --> 00:56:56,185 Did you pass this five pound note down at 1021 00:56:56,186 --> 00:56:58,063 Thompson's Tobacconist's this morning? 1022 00:57:01,692 --> 00:57:04,152 Well, yes, this is my signature on the back. 1023 00:57:04,153 --> 00:57:04,987 - I see. 1024 00:57:04,988 --> 00:57:06,946 I'm afraid I shall have to ask a few particulars. 1025 00:57:06,947 --> 00:57:09,198 You see, it happens to be a forgery. 1026 00:57:09,199 --> 00:57:10,491 - Forgery? - Yes. 1027 00:57:10,492 --> 00:57:12,911 Is there anywhere where I could speak to you privately? 1028 00:57:12,912 --> 00:57:14,704 - Well, we can go into the lounge. 1029 00:57:14,705 --> 00:57:16,206 - Thank you very much. 1030 00:57:18,042 --> 00:57:20,043 Oh poor Miss Gilroy, they're going to lock her up! 1031 00:57:20,044 --> 00:57:21,502 - Lock Sheila up, why? 1032 00:57:21,503 --> 00:57:22,379 - They're taking her away now. 1033 00:57:22,380 --> 00:57:23,796 - But what has she done? 1034 00:57:23,797 --> 00:57:25,089 - She's been passing counterfeit 1035 00:57:25,090 --> 00:57:27,133 five pound notes all around the town! 1036 00:57:27,134 --> 00:57:30,720 Counterfeit money being passed in this establishment? 1037 00:57:30,721 --> 00:57:33,765 Disgraceful, I can't stay under this roof another moment. 1038 00:57:33,766 --> 00:57:36,351 Laddy, upstairs and pack the bags. 1039 00:57:36,352 --> 00:57:37,518 We must leave immediately, 1040 00:57:37,519 --> 00:57:39,395 we have our reputations to consider. 1041 00:57:39,396 --> 00:57:40,813 And madam, would you very much mind 1042 00:57:40,814 --> 00:57:42,690 having the bill ready in five minutes, please? 1043 00:57:42,691 --> 00:57:43,567 - Oh this'll ruin me, 1044 00:57:43,568 --> 00:57:45,151 it's never happened at my place before! 1045 00:57:45,152 --> 00:57:48,822 It's a scandal, madam, a positive scandal! 1046 00:58:05,255 --> 00:58:06,031 - Harry? 1047 00:58:06,231 --> 00:58:06,807 - What? 1048 00:58:07,007 --> 00:58:07,883 - Give me your wallet. 1049 00:58:08,083 --> 00:58:08,759 - What for? 1050 00:58:08,760 --> 00:58:10,259 - Never mind, give it to me quick. 1051 00:58:10,260 --> 00:58:12,096 I've got a hunch, I may be wrong... 1052 00:58:16,767 --> 00:58:18,607 Three four one, three four one, three four one. 1053 00:58:19,645 --> 00:58:20,853 These are all the same number. 1054 00:58:20,854 --> 00:58:22,063 They're duds. 1055 00:58:22,064 --> 00:58:23,564 - Duds? - Duds. 1056 00:58:23,565 --> 00:58:25,943 Duds? - Yeah. 1057 00:58:27,277 --> 00:58:29,737 Then you mean all the others up there? 1058 00:58:29,738 --> 00:58:30,372 No! 1059 00:58:30,572 --> 00:58:31,572 - Blimey! 1060 00:58:32,700 --> 00:58:35,076 - Poor boys, poor boys. 1061 00:58:35,077 --> 00:58:36,536 - What on earth is the matter with them? 1062 00:58:36,537 --> 00:58:39,123 The last throes of the dreaded spondulix, my dear. 1063 00:58:41,500 --> 00:58:43,293 I must order the wreath immediately. 1064 00:58:44,253 --> 00:58:46,629 - Spondulix, wreathes? 1065 00:58:46,630 --> 00:58:47,464 They've all gone mad. 1066 00:58:47,465 --> 00:58:48,506 - You must realize the position 1067 00:58:48,507 --> 00:58:50,550 in which such an occurrence pleases me. 1068 00:58:50,551 --> 00:58:51,592 After all, this sort of thing 1069 00:58:51,593 --> 00:58:53,386 is bound to bring distasteful publicity. 1070 00:58:53,387 --> 00:58:55,054 When my friends in the city hear about it, 1071 00:58:55,055 --> 00:58:56,556 they won't like it a bit. 1072 00:58:56,557 --> 00:58:58,850 And so dear madam, I'm forced to depart. 1073 00:58:58,851 --> 00:59:00,143 - I am so sorry. 1074 00:59:00,144 --> 00:59:02,395 - Laddy, the luggage. 1075 00:59:02,396 --> 00:59:04,188 - Allow me to assist you, sir. 1076 00:59:04,189 --> 00:59:05,440 I often travel with 1077 00:59:05,441 --> 00:59:09,028 a considerable amount of luggage, you know? 1078 00:59:09,987 --> 00:59:11,487 - Oh Mr Haynes? 1079 00:59:11,488 --> 00:59:13,991 Mr Haynes, you've left your... 1080 00:59:15,826 --> 00:59:18,578 Mr Haynes, you've left a five... 1081 00:59:18,579 --> 00:59:19,997 Five pound note. 1082 00:59:28,255 --> 00:59:30,256 Harry, Harry, Spike! 1083 00:59:30,257 --> 00:59:32,885 Look what I found, Harry, Spike! 1084 00:59:41,685 --> 00:59:44,353 - Duds, every one of them duds. 1085 00:59:44,354 --> 00:59:45,354 - We'd better tell the police. 1086 00:59:45,355 --> 00:59:45,990 - Tell the police what, 1087 00:59:46,190 --> 00:59:47,066 that a hundred thousand pounds 1088 00:59:47,067 --> 00:59:49,317 from the Bank of England turned dud overnight? 1089 00:59:49,318 --> 00:59:50,401 - At least it'll help Sheila. 1090 00:59:50,402 --> 00:59:51,652 - Yeah. 1091 00:59:51,653 --> 00:59:52,488 - Harry, Spike, look! 1092 00:59:52,489 --> 00:59:53,863 Haynes and Graves are forgers. 1093 00:59:53,864 --> 00:59:54,698 - Forgers? 1094 00:59:54,699 --> 00:59:56,240 Yes, they've got a machine that prints them. 1095 00:59:56,241 --> 00:59:57,241 - What? 1096 00:59:57,242 --> 00:59:58,409 - Harry, they've just left! 1097 00:59:58,410 --> 00:59:59,660 - What are we waiting for? 1098 01:00:39,284 --> 01:00:42,120 - Titherington, all right, Titherington. 1099 01:00:42,121 --> 01:00:44,122 I knew a man called Titherington once, 1100 01:00:44,123 --> 01:00:45,832 used to run docks at the white city, 1101 01:00:45,833 --> 01:00:47,126 are you a relation of his? 1102 01:00:48,252 --> 01:00:49,585 You're not, all right. 1103 01:00:49,586 --> 01:00:51,337 He was a nice fellow, Titherington, nice fellow, 1104 01:00:51,338 --> 01:00:54,091 though he had a bout of jaundice. 1105 01:03:05,055 --> 01:03:07,098 Well Spike, it looks as they're giving us the slip. 1106 01:03:07,099 --> 01:03:10,268 They've gotta find these crooks, Harry, or we're sunk. 1107 01:03:10,269 --> 01:03:11,560 - Police think you're the forgers. 1108 01:03:11,561 --> 01:03:14,063 If we don't find them, you'll do 10 years on Dartmouth. 1109 01:03:14,064 --> 01:03:15,648 - Dartmouth, that's a nice place. 1110 01:03:15,649 --> 01:03:16,732 There's no getting away from it! 1111 01:03:16,733 --> 01:03:19,235 Oh come on, these crooks must be somewhere about. 1112 01:03:19,236 --> 01:03:20,903 - Let's try this way. 1113 01:03:20,904 --> 01:03:22,321 Yeah, but keep your eyes open for the police. 1114 01:03:22,322 --> 01:03:23,614 - Police? 1115 01:03:23,615 --> 01:03:26,951 Nice place, Marines Drive, nice quiet locality. 1116 01:03:26,952 --> 01:03:28,244 Of course we had a murder there you know, 1117 01:03:28,245 --> 01:03:29,204 three or four years ago. 1118 01:03:29,205 --> 01:03:30,663 Yes, terrible thing. 1119 01:03:30,664 --> 01:03:34,625 Mrs Parkins shot her husband three times on Christmas Eve. 1120 01:03:34,626 --> 01:03:39,172 That was a nice present from Santy Claus, what? 1121 01:03:54,813 --> 01:03:55,855 - Sheila! 1122 01:03:55,856 --> 01:03:56,939 Thank goodness I found you, what happened? 1123 01:03:56,940 --> 01:03:58,065 - No time to explain now, 1124 01:03:58,066 --> 01:03:59,692 we've got to find Haynes and Graves 1125 01:03:59,693 --> 01:04:01,402 before the police find us. 1126 01:04:01,403 --> 01:04:02,778 - Look out, here they come now. 1127 01:04:02,779 --> 01:04:03,780 Quick, hide! 1128 01:05:25,195 --> 01:05:26,237 - Thank you. 1129 01:05:26,238 --> 01:05:27,321 - It's all right. 1130 01:05:27,322 --> 01:05:28,323 - Of course. 1131 01:05:49,386 --> 01:05:50,637 - Harry, Harry! 1132 01:08:23,290 --> 01:08:24,290 - Water! 1133 01:08:49,899 --> 01:08:51,484 - Ah there you are! 1134 01:09:04,914 --> 01:09:06,999 - This whole ridiculous game of charades 1135 01:09:07,000 --> 01:09:09,168 will cease forthwith. 1136 01:09:09,169 --> 01:09:11,629 You can say that again, I'm just about ready to drop dead. 1137 01:09:11,630 --> 01:09:14,757 - Besides the whole thing is undignified. 1138 01:09:14,758 --> 01:09:18,260 Well I think we've thrown them off the scent by now, eh? 1139 01:09:18,261 --> 01:09:19,553 We still have the duplicator. 1140 01:09:19,554 --> 01:09:20,929 That cloth of a taxi driver 1141 01:09:20,930 --> 01:09:22,766 should have changed the wheel by now. 1142 01:09:23,975 --> 01:09:26,060 We must find an exit and get out of this madhouse 1143 01:09:26,061 --> 01:09:27,394 post haste. 1144 01:09:27,395 --> 01:09:29,313 I trust our friend Mr Flakers 1145 01:09:29,314 --> 01:09:31,106 will have a satisfactory answer to the police 1146 01:09:31,107 --> 01:09:33,108 for the ownership of those dud five pound notes 1147 01:09:33,109 --> 01:09:36,236 we've planted on him, eh? 1148 01:09:36,237 --> 01:09:38,030 Come laddy, let's blow. 1149 01:09:38,031 --> 01:09:39,323 - Just a minute, 1150 01:09:39,324 --> 01:09:42,201 I'd like you two gentlemen to accompany me to the station. 1151 01:09:42,202 --> 01:09:43,161 - Yes of course, just a moment laddy, 1152 01:09:43,162 --> 01:09:44,745 hang on a moment, would you? 1153 01:09:44,746 --> 01:09:46,747 - Very good, sir. 1154 01:09:46,748 --> 01:09:47,748 Hey, you! 1155 01:09:49,959 --> 01:09:52,628 Well fellas, that lets us out, doesn't it, eh? 1156 01:09:53,963 --> 01:09:55,381 - My dear fellow, I say, 1157 01:09:55,382 --> 01:09:57,800 I hope this little skirmish has done your spondulix 1158 01:09:57,801 --> 01:09:58,635 a part of good. 1159 01:09:58,636 --> 01:09:59,968 - Indeed it has, Major. 1160 01:09:59,969 --> 01:10:02,346 - And dear boy, don't worry too much 1161 01:10:02,347 --> 01:10:03,931 about those two scoundrels. 1162 01:10:03,932 --> 01:10:06,100 The police always get their man. 1163 01:10:06,101 --> 01:10:06,893 - You know something Major? 1164 01:10:06,894 --> 01:10:08,018 - What's that? 1165 01:10:08,019 --> 01:10:10,020 The Northwest Mounted always get their one! 1166 01:10:13,020 --> 01:10:17,020 Taken from www.titlovi.com